If You Ain't First You're Last - Classic Foam Trucker Hat Color:Navy weathered blue serif text reads

weathered blue serif text reads "BEER GARDENS" followed by smaller red decorative text reading "AND" and matching blue distressed serif text reading "BILLIARDS

Green brushstroke text reads "CHINATOWN" with smaller white capitals reading "SAN FRANCISCO" at the bottom

right behind putting cheese in a spray can

Dude's conjuring sparkles right next to the words that make him unemployable

Calling a martini a "little present you give to yourself" sounds like something a therapist would flag

If You Ain't First You're Last - Classic Foam Trucker Hat Color:Navy weathered blue serif text readsGeorge Washington got to be first at everything because his only competition was a bunch of guys in wigs arguing about tea. Ricky Bobby would have lapped the entire Continental Congress and still found time to thank baby Jesus. The Details: Arched distressed white text reads "IF YOU AIN'T FIRST," above a digital illustration of George Washington in a blue coat with red trim, white cravat, and white powdered wig, flanked by red, white, and blue stars.